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Rhymes With Mango
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| Dumbass of the Year |
| 04.30.04 (4:17 pm) [edit] |
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Ok. This is how STOOPID I am. I've been deleting comments that people have posted, thinking that it's the same as messages.. So now those people have lost their comments. I'm SORRY guys.. Duh me.. *thwack* there, I'm better now :))
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| Update |
| 04.30.04 (1:27 pm) [edit] |
So get THIS shit... I go in to doc to ask about my sono report. turns out the nodule,lump, mass seems to have shrunked a little since she felt it two weeks ago. Of course I find out that the mammogram doesn't size the mass as well as the sonogram does. but the difference in size is negligble. what matters most is that it hasn't GROWN any in 3 weeks.
My fukin finger STILL hurts.. a little. specially when I press hard on something. Gee I guess I should stop pressing hard on things huh? :)
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| Wanna hear something FUNNY? |
| 04.30.04 (12:02 am) [edit] |
Ok. so remember this? http://www.tblog.com/template...
well I just walked in the kids' room to check on them and found my son half out his bed.. So. I guess he's dreaming about leaving Cinderella or Dora the Explorer, eh? :lol:
You know, I can't believe these little people came from me. mean, I KNOW they did. I remember being pregnant, and giving birth and taking them home, but the whole phenomenon of it.. is just overwhelming sometimes. I cry tears of joy just thinking Look, little people I created. Little personalities, thoughts, fingers, and toes. He's 4 soon. and just as stubborn as his daddy!
My oldest is 7. I got a look at her one day and just dawned on me, someday she's going to be a woman. Just like me. Amazing. I can see hubby at thedoor with a shotgun now. "you wanna see who?!" :lol:
And my youngest. she too will be a woman some day. She's so dainty, it's hilarious. I had to put her on the bed to dress her, and i put on some tiny blue jeans and said to her, Starting already, with the tight jeans on the bed routine, are we? hehe. she didn't know what I was saying but she giggled anyway. my precious tiny one.
Ok, enough gushing.. made you sick didn't I? Well shit, that's just TOO BAD HAHAHAHAHAHA
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| OUCH! |
| 04.29.04 (5:17 pm) [edit] |
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Got Dammit my finger hurts. I got a fingerstick today to check for blood sugar. How the hell diabetics can stand this shit 3 times a day is beyond me. Geezus it still hurts after like 8 hours and shit.. I don't know what made her use my ring finger, she should have used my pinky!! Idjits...
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| WTF!!?? |
| 04.29.04 (10:35 am) [edit] |
So I go see this... Surgeon right? Get there, and he feels me up and tells me that.. he doesn't feel the mass. He's going to do a lumpectomy in 7 to 10 days, figuring in weekends, and the fact that he only does these things on Weds and Fris. I went to see a doctor this morning because of the weird heartburn-like pain and heaviness in my chest the past week. Do you know what this nucklehead said? To take Tylenol!! Why? because I mentioned that I had a bout of H. pylori two years ago. So Um.. instead of telling me you'll do bloodwork to see if that's the problem again, you tell me, that since that indicates I might have an ulder, then to take tylenol for the pain, instead of Motrin?? HELLO what about treating the CAUSE of the pain.. So tomorrow I will see my regular doctor.
I have a question or two for her about my breast anyway. Mainly, has the mass grown between detection on the mammo and the sono this past Monday? WHY THE FUCK didn't you FEEL this lump last month!? Why wasn't I just scheduled for the biopsy instead of seeing the surgeon first? he didn't tell me SHIT!
So now, I have to arrange for someone to hold the kids while Frank makes sure I get back safely. I'm scared. I haven't been knocked out since I was 10. I vaguely remember biting on a tube(which I now realize was hollow) so that they could insert a breathing tube down my throat without discomforting me. (Is discomforting a word?!) :?
I'm not sure if I'm afraid of feeling that tube go down my throat or the feeling in my throat once I wake UP! I remember I was hoarse and sore. But it wasn't that bad. I was just hungry :wink:
Ugh.. I hope my regular doc can do something about this chest heaviness!!
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| Well, here we go again. |
| 04.28.04 (1:08 pm) [edit] |
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I got a call from the Doc's office. The surgeon will see me tomorrow afternoon. I don't know HOW I'm gonna do that with the kids. My sitter has to see HER doctor.. so I hope he wasn't planning on doing anything tomorrow in the office. I'll see if I can get it for Friday or Monday.. Ugh. My nerves...
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| oh wow.. finally |
| 04.28.04 (7:22 am) [edit] |
Something my son likes to EAT. Mr. Picky is VERY. I made some Hamburger Helper garlic potatoes last night. I can't believe he didn't turn his nose at it. He's usually averse to new foods. I told him, " It's spaghettios, but with potatoes.. " and he said "Ok!" and dug in like it was his last meal :)) My oldest though, she's another case. She said it smelled good when she came in the door. But then when I told her what it was she just turned up her nose and said "nevermind"!! Piss me off. I cook for these people and they dont' appreciate my efforts.
They need to get one thing straight: This is not Bean's Diner where they can just order what they WANT. You eat what I cook or you don't eat.. They need to hurry up and learn to cook their own damn food, i'm their mother, not their short order cook!
Don't you just HATE THAT???
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| Hurry Up Summer! and More... |
| 04.28.04 (7:13 am) [edit] |
I despise winter. Sick of it. Spring isn't much better. I like the Summer, sun, warmth, long days, warm nights, no coats, jackets, just sandals and tank tops. I'm not into shorts, not with these thunder/blubber thighs, but at least I can wear thinner pants or dresses. I can just throw on a salwar suit and be ready for anything. Frank thinks I'm crazy for wearing them, cause i'm not Indo/Pakistani, but I don't care. They're beautiful, comfortable and easy. Except for going to P. Have to always remember to leave time to untie the pants!!!
So, today I have to call the doc and find out when I get to see a surgeon for my biopsy. They'd better have answers and it better be FAST. I want the whole thing removed.. NOW. I don't want them leaving it there to spread while I wait 2 weeks for them to analyze it. Fuckin medical beaurocracy. Anything to kill off the poor.
I know enough about cancer toknow it spreads faster the younger you are, and, that by the time you can see it on a mammo it's been there YEARS.. 6 months can make a BIG difference.
And I have to see the doctor to find out WHY i'm having cycles 6 weeks LONG. I'd bet everything I own it's why this thing has grown in my breast! Grrrr.. So now, to rectify my menstrual problem, I'd need the Pill which I CAN'T have if I have cancer. isn't that some shit? Somebody better fix me dammit. Fuck me. I'm already 'fixed' it's what I get for not wanting more babies.. I just get MORE problems. I should have heeded the research, all those women saying " I got fixed and look what problems I have!"... Fuckin Sex, and MEN. Why didn't I just go lesbian!? Then I wouldn't have to worry about SOME of this bullshit.
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| Awwwwww |
| 04.27.04 (2:54 pm) [edit] |
This is Veronica in one of her new Spring outfits!
![]() =http://img25.photobucket.com/...
Oh and that's Daddy with her! heeheehe
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| NEXT! |
| 04.27.04 (2:02 pm) [edit] |
Ok. my link list is getting long. So, Everyday I will:
Read the blogs on my list FIRST and then comment, and then add to mine.. otherwise i'll be reading all day!!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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| Rules.. |
| 04.27.04 (1:22 pm) [edit] |
Rule 1: Fuck it.
Rule 2: Fuck it up the nose with a ball peen hammer.
Rule 3: if all else fails, apply rule 2, cause rule 1 just isn't harsh enough...
So I go ALL THE WAY over to one of the markets further from home. I see people go in there all the time. I figured they had some good deals.. WRONG!!
I stepped in and it STUNK to high heaven. People, I'm sure you know if you can smell the leftovers do NOT buy from there! Ugh.. PUTRID. the meat was all old.. and the dates were like TODAY!! I said nevermind.. and LEFT. went to good old Rustymart(Not the real name, but if you go in there, you'll know what I mean!).
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| Fookin markets.. ugh |
| 04.27.04 (7:57 am) [edit] |
Before I go shopping i've gotta research some other shopping options around here. For more than 20 years i've shopped(or with my mother as a child) at one of two places. Sometimes we'd travel a half mile away to one of two other more distant markets. But they've sucked the last few years so I stopped going so far.
Well.. last week C-town really fooked it up.. I put all manner of stuff in my basket. I had an infant just itching to SCREAM at a moments notice, especially if I stopped pushing her stroller. So I get to the counter and I'm wondering what's wrong with this picture.. then I realize people are standing around.. because the computers are down and you can't use any cards to buy anything. I said well HELL. you could have put a sign on the door or something!! Anything to get the cash! so
I just left the shit right there in the basket and left. I have no shame. I've tried several times over the years to get a job there and they don't even respect the customers enough to save them the trouble of shopping for nothing! Well they can kiss my coupon!
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| I'm sorry |
| 04.27.04 (7:19 am) [edit] |
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Due to the response i have received about my dial-up blog I will remove the post. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, that was not my intention. Just venting my frustrations..
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| Shit... |
| 04.26.04 (7:23 pm) [edit] |
Was supposed to go get fuckered tonight.. didn't happen. My friend's boyfriend never showed up with the goodies.. So. I'm sittin here drinkin Kool-Aid, what a rush!! Frank and I had dinner at BoulderCreek. That steak was GOOD. his burger, well, that's another story. And the chicken tenders were juicy mmmmm. the fries suck.. next time, baked potato.. and OMG the fuckin music. Not gonna elaborate..
At least we had some 'couple time', something we don't get often enough. maybe tomorrow will be a better day?
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| Well, I have gone down the rabbit hole... |
| 04.26.04 (10:48 am) [edit] |
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I had the breast sonogram this morning. Took about 45 minutes. Then they told me: just like the mammo found, nothing in the left breast but (2) 1cm nodules in the right breast. Funny, it's not where the doc felt them, or maybe my perception of where she was feeling was off? I asked if it's near the lymph nodes.. I was told no. Somehow I don't believe her. She said she's seen cancers and it doesn't look bad like those. I'm not convince. I know I should be positive but how else can I be when I watched my mother die of this? I know. early detection is key. I'd bet everything I own.. there ARE women who found their cancers 'early' and still the treatments were useless, the cancer spread or came back. I guess I'd better start doing all those things I never got to do huh?
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| 'Tis the day... |
| 04.26.04 (5:33 am) [edit] |
My nerves are shot to hell. As far as *I* know, the lump the doctor sent me to the mammogram for has disappeared. And the mammo didn't find it, so hopefully that means it was just a cyclic cyst. But it found something she DIDN'T find before the mammo. So now I'm freaking...
I've done some research and talked to people. seems it is entirely possible that since my cycles are so long that my breasts are NOT going through their cystic phases at the EXACT same time.. which would explain the reason for finding the different lumps at different times of the same cycle. I somehow don't feel so lucky tho. They SAY most of the time the lumps aren't cancer but SOMEBODY'S gotta be the unlucky one... I don't know what's worse, finding out one is the unlucky one, or the long wait just to find out... I swear as I wait the problem spreads through me.. I know that's insane but then.. I'M insane.
I have managed to skirt many other dangers in this life, always flying by the seat of my pants. HIV worries, car accidents, major surgeries(2 C-sections), living in a high crime area... and I've always come out relatively unscathed. somehow I feel like it's my turn to have something bad, really bad, happen from which I will NOT emerge triumphant. The fact that my mother died of breast cancer 4 years after treatment doesn't help. True she waited a LONG time(or did she?) between finding a lump(herself?) before having the guts to find out if it was cancer. Or did she lie to me.. ? Was it the rule of substandard healthcare for Blacks/women to make her wait until the disease would spread beyond the breast before treatment/surgery? Who knows..
I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist, but sometimes you just gotta wonder. No matter, I intend to force this healthcare plan I deal with and the doctors that work for them to perform my treatment FAST. I don't want to wait and see.. waiting-and-seeing is what gets you KILLED. ..
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| NEXT?! |
| 04.25.04 (11:52 pm) [edit] |
So, I get up at like 2 am.. to P. finish the laundry and all that crap. Still no idea if I'm going to get those size 7 dpns or not. And then, when?? I've got that bloody sono tomorrow and then it's house shopping. But I really wanna start that bag within the week. I'm almost done with the socks, see?
![]() =http://img25.photobucket.com/...
so I just have to finish the mate and I'm good. I'm addicted to sock making, sue me :roll:
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| WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! |
| 04.25.04 (3:29 pm) [edit] |
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Ok. I have no fookin Idea what i'm doing here.. This is my first time here. This place is gonna need a LOT of work... :shock:
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Hi there! I'm LadyBean and this is my journal home on the web. Hope you like my blog!
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